I’ve been using Mondays to get caught up answering the messages in my inbox. Here’s the one for this week:
I wanted to ask you a question, I have been thinking about it for a while. I always wanted to have a large family, but now I think it will not be possible. I recently suffered from a major burn-out and have really seen that I am not as strong as I thought I was.
When I listen to your song “Do You Wanna Have a Baby?” (I LOVE that song), I feel guilty for not wanting many children anymore. But I know we have to be very careful. We can’t enjoy sex without me worrying about a pregnancy, and we do need to use birth control until I am fully recovered.
But we also have our responsibility for my health. What do you think about this?
It doesn’t really matter what I think, but since you ask, I will tell you what I tell my own children: Having a large family made perfect sense in my particular situation — I’ve always had smooth pregnancies, easy deliveries, healthy babies, a strong body, a stable marriage, an aversion to contraceptives, an intense desire for lots of children, and a loving, supportive husband with a good job that allows him to provide for all of us. If any of those factors had not been the case, we might well have chosen to do things differently.
I understand that not every couple has been blessed with such ideal circumstances, and — depending on the extent or severity of the challenges they face — it may make better sense for them to limit family size by practicing some form of birth control. That is a decision that must be prayerfully made by each individual couple.
I would only advise that, if you do opt to use birth control, you avoid any method that acts as an abortifacient, as well as hormonal contraceptives which can cause serious health problems (for both mothers and children subsequently born to those mothers) — and would also caution against doing anything permanent (tubal ligation or vasectomy), since circumstances often change, and so may your attitude toward having [more] children.
Finally, I would warn you not to let your fear of getting pregnant cause you to push your husband away sexually. He still needs your closeness, and you his, so don’t neglect the physical part of your relationship just because you’ve chosen to limit your family size. 🙂