How Do We Find Time for Intimacy?

Dear Jennifer:

My husband and I have three children, but ever since the second was born, I have felt stretched to the max. Between chauffeuring kids to afterschool activities, preparing dinner, and helping with homework, I have zero energy left for my spouse at the end of the day.

How do I find time for intimacy with him when my schedule’s already so packed? Once I finally get the kids to bed every night, I’m completely spent.

Too Tired Tonight

Dear Tired:

If your schedule is too overloaded for you to spend meaningful time with your husband, then you seriously need to scale back. Trying to maintain your current pace will not only take its toll on your marriage, but may compromise your health, as well.

Nor is such a full social calendar in the best interest of your children. Kids need a stress-free, stable home much more than they need another art lesson or baseball practice.

As for waiting until your kids are asleep before sharing intimacy with your spouse: that’s a battle you can’t win. The older they get, the later your children will stay up. Once they’re in high school or college, they may even pull a few all-nighters when finishing term papers or cramming for exams.

It will be virtually impossible to outlast them, so you might as well stop trying.

Instead, invest in a good lock for your bedroom door and retreat there with your husband while the day is still young and your energy levels are high, maybe even before dinner. Set your kids to doing their homework or playing a game in the other end of the house, then tell them that Mom and Dad are going to visit and should not be disturbed unless it’s an emergency.

By the time they’ve finished their math lesson or a single round of monopoly, you’ll be back — relaxed, refreshed, and ready to spend the rest of the evening with them. And your grateful husband may even offer to do the dinner dishes.