My blog traffic has skyrocketed since I posted 25 Ways to Communicate Respect a few days ago. It evidently struck a chord, so I’ve decided to add a printable version of the full list, as well as a one-page summary. Blessings on your marriage! Enjoy!
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Jennifer….thank you so much for writing this…it is exactly what I needed to read….I have spent most of our 21 years of marriage being critical of my husband, disrepectful in my words and thoughts, always trying to change him into who I thought he should be and just miserable to live with…..but due to a wake up call…3 weeks ago God changed my heart toward my husband….I began to see him through God’s eyes and not my own…I began to feel a love for him that, to be honest, I can’t remember feeling….I am in love with him, I want to please him, I want to be his best friend and I want to show him my love for him through respect that he and our children have never seen from me…..I don’t know if loving him in this new way (God’s way, not mine) will stop us from going down the path we seem to be now headed…but I know now I need to love my husband as God intented me to ….not to just restore my marraige, but to show our children (20,18 and 16)how a Godly wife should act toward her husband…..
Could you please keep us in prayer….Thank you again for this post….B
Thank you so much for this article!! I will read it all the time to remind myself of all these things. I can see that these things will have a profound impact on a relationship 🙂
You are very welcome. To be honest, I wrote this list as a reminder to myself. Twenty-five years of marriage has taught me that what I think is showing respect and what my husband perceives as respectful is not always the same thing. These reminders help me make certain the message he receives is the one I mean to send 🙂
“Don’t slap him away when he tries to hug you or make excuses when he’s in the mood. Your enthusiastic cooperation and reciprocation will not only assure him of your love, but will make him feel well-‐respected, too.” So basically, you should allow your body to be used as a sexual plaything regardless of whether you want to engage in intercourse? Delightful advice! Basically, you’re saying “don’t say no girls!”
You’re right, Natalie. It does sound extreme when you word it like that… but it sure beats the opposite extreme of relegating your physical relationship with your husband to the rock bottom of your to-do list so that his desire for intimacy is routinely neglected, ignored, or marginalized. I stand by my original advice. Let excuses be a rare exception rather than the rule. Give it a try and you may find that this advice is much more delightful than you imagine.
Where is the love? Out of devotion to one another, serve one another. Submit to one another. God never intended sexual intimacy for anything but our mutual pleasure. If our attitudes are anything different, maybe God desires to heal us in some an area of our lives. Perfect (a wholeness that God intended for us) love casts out fear. Say no when you need to, but say yes more! 🙂
I can think of one very obvious thing other than mutual pleasure that God intended sexual intimacy for: procreation. 🙂
Thank you for this “list”. But I prefer to think of it as the pathway to a God-honoring, fulfilling marriage. It’s a journey that takes wisdom and patience because neither of us is lovable all the time! We’ve been married 30 years, and I know that each of these ways works! Marriage is not 50/50 but 100/100. I promised to do what is best for him (in other words, to love him) – I’m still learning, which makes this journey an adventure of which I am so thankful to God to be a part!