I usually devote Mondays to answering readers’ questions from our mailbag, but today I’ve decided to depart from my normal routine and share a little unsolicited advice, instead. This advice isn’t even from me; it’s from my oldest daughter, Bethany. She posted the following wedding kiss tips on her soon-to-be sister-in-law Bonnie’s Facebook page the day before the wedding.
Her goal? Helping the happy couple avoid any awkwardness when it comes time to seal the deal.
Her tongue-in-cheek (pardon the pun) advice totally cracked me up, and I couldn’t resist the temptation to reprint it here:
“BONBONTHEBUNNYBUN!!!! WE ARE ABOUT TO BE SISTERS!!!! Can’t wait to see you tomorrow – Dave & I were both able to get the whole day off of clinic so we can drive up early!! 😀 SO EXCITED!!!!!”
[Bethany and her brother David are both in their fourth year of dental school in San Antonio and often carpool together to visit our family in Tyler and Bonnie’s family in Fort Worth.]
“Also I sincerely hope this will be the cutest, quirkiest, most charmingly Disney-esque wedding I ever attend. DON’T LET ME DOWN, BON, I’VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS DAY EVER SINCE DAVID WAS BORN. 😉 “
[If you’ve never met Bonnie, you can get a pretty good feel for both her looks and her personality by watching Amy Adams in Enchanted. Much like a Disney Princess, Bonnie simply floats through life with a song on her lips and a dance in her step. Enchanting is definitely a good word for her.]
“Also you & bubba Dave are about to have an uber public first kiss experience, so I’ve compiled some study materials for you to help you prep for that exciting moment, starting with a picture of this fish:
“I mean… look how kissable that fish is! #goals
“Also this fish:
“Slightly more intimidating look for that one… kind of a mysteriously intimidating kissy pout going on there.
“Also I googled “awkward first kiss” for tips on what NOT to do and this one came up. I think it earned the title just because it lasted like a minute and a half, which is like 8 hours in Dog Years.”
“That’s the first kiss version of going to an all-you-can-eat buffet on an empty stomach… they just keep coming back for more! But honestly if you wait 20-some-odd years for that 1st kiss, then you might as well get your money’s worth. #breakarecord “
[David jumped in on the FB conversation at this point with the bodacious brag: “Oh, we can totally beat that time!” — the truth of which I do not doubt for a minute. Nevertheless, I am grateful to report that he and Bonnie decided to save their record breaking for private, despite the fact sister Bethany graciously and enthusiastically volunteered to serve as “Official Time-Keeper of the 1st Kiss.”]
“Also these puppies nailed it.
“I kind of think this technique only works for puppies, though. Maybe don’t bite his nose, that seems like an advanced move for first-time kissers.
“I think these squirrels got it right. Maybe it’s a redhead thing.”
[Bonnie has beautiful red hair, so I think this was Bethany’s way of assuring her that she’d be a natural when it came to kissing and shouldn’t stress about it.]
“Note how the paw is gently caressing the cheek mid-kiss. Pretty sure that’s how they do it in the movies, too.
#ifitsgoodenoughforasquirrelitsgoodenoughforawedding
“Ok, that’s all of my pro tips for today. I’ll let you know if my extensive research (aka google search: puppies kissing images) turns up anything else useful. 🙂 WELCOME TO THE FAMILYYYYYY!”
You may be wondering whether Bonnie took any of these wedding kiss tips to heart. Apparently, she did. That first smooch didn’t look a bit awkward. It was perfectly timed, included just the right amount of cheek caressing, and involved no nose-biting that I could see. 😂
I watched the entire ceremony in real-life panorama rather than viewing it through an iPhone screen, so I missed capturing THE FIRST KISS on video, otherwise I would post it here as proof of what a splendid kiss it was.
David stole a second kiss before exiting the church at the close of the ceremony. I didn’t get a video of that one, either, but it involved a really cool dip that went something like this:
[If you can’t see the video, click here to view it.]
I think this video proves public kissing can still be awkward, even for couples with 30 years of kissing experience under their belts. 😀
Fortunately, I did capture one newlywed kiss on video after the ceremony.
[If you can’t see the video, click here to view it.]
It was only the third kiss I saw David and Bonnie share, but judging from how long it took the bride and groom to make it back into the auditorium for photographs, I imagine they squeezed in a little more practice in the foyer. 😉
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