{"id":9044,"date":"2014-12-08T07:30:05","date_gmt":"2014-12-08T13:30:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.flandersfamily.info\/web\/?p=9044"},"modified":"2023-08-17T15:45:29","modified_gmt":"2023-08-17T20:45:29","slug":"5-tips-for-responding-to-negativism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.flandersfamily.info\/web\/2014\/12\/08\/5-tips-for-responding-to-negativism\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Tips for Responding to Negative Comments"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m using Mondays to work through the messages stacked up in my mailbox. The question I’m tackling today? Rightly responding to negative comments regarding family size.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Monday<\/p>\n

Question: How do you deal with rude comments?<\/h2>\n

Hi Jennifer,<\/p>\n

I’ve emailed you before and love your blog. I’m curious as to your response to negative individuals as your family grew<\/strong>…. <\/p>\n

My husband and I are considering a third child. When both of my sister-in-laws found out, they immediately treated me like I’d grown a third eye<\/strong>, and one went so far as to inform me that more children meant I could do less and less for the ones I have. <\/p>\n

I was discouraged because I believe children need love, stability and the knowledge of Christ more than stuff<\/strong>. <\/p>\n

Will you share how you would (or did) lovingly handle those who want to discourage a growing family<\/strong>? <\/p>\n

Thank you so much.
\nAmanda<\/p>\n

\"Responding<\/p>\n

Answer: Answer all detractors with humility, grace, and understanding.<\/h2>\n

Dear Amanda,<\/p>\n

Thanks for your sweet encouragement. Please forgive me for taking so long to respond. Maybe by now you’ve had that third baby and are working on a fourth. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

I’m sorry about the negative responses you’ve received about wanting to grow your family. We got more than our fair share of negativism and unsolicited advice, especially early on<\/strong> (before people finally realized their protests weren’t making any difference in our family planning decisions and decided they should probably just save their breath. Ha!!)<\/p>\n

It’s bad enough dealing with rude comments from complete strangers<\/a>, but when the cutting remarks come from family members, they can be particularly hurtful<\/strong>. <\/p>\n

It is often a challenge to know how to respond graciously and lovingly<\/strong>. Here are the things that have helped us over the years whenever that sort of situation crops up.<\/p>\n

5 Tips for Responding to Negative Comments<\/h2>\n
    \n
  1. \n

    Give Them the Benefit of the Doubt <\/h2>\n

    Assume your family’s comments are coming from a place of love for you and concern for your well-being. <\/strong><\/p>\n

    When I found out my own father pulled my husband aside after our third child was born and tried to talk him into getting a vasectomy without my knowledge, I was incredulous. Had Doug actually taken his advice, I probably would’ve had a harder time forgiving Dad (whom, for the record, I love very dearly<\/a>) for this attempted intrusion into our personal lives.<\/p>\n

    As it was, I reminded myself that my third pregnancy was by far my most difficult (they got progressively easier after that), and although my father’s worry was unwarranted, he was genuinely trying to protect his daughter by giving what he considered wise counsel to his son-in-law<\/strong>. <\/p>\n

    Instead of focusing on what Daddy said<\/em> and getting upset about it, I thought about why he said it<\/em>, which made it easier to respond graciously (which, in this case, meant keeping my mouth shut and treating him as if I didn’t even know about his conversation with my husband).<\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Hold to Your Principles in Humility<\/h2>\n

    Anytime you make a choice that differs substantially from the choices your friends or family members have made, it can put them on the defensive<\/strong>. This is especially true when it comes to parenting choices. Will you:<\/p>\n