{"id":15465,"date":"2016-06-20T05:54:40","date_gmt":"2016-06-20T10:54:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.flandersfamily.info\/web\/?p=15465"},"modified":"2023-08-17T20:39:41","modified_gmt":"2023-08-18T01:39:41","slug":"qa-when-you-cant-handle-any-more-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.flandersfamily.info\/web\/2016\/06\/20\/qa-when-you-cant-handle-any-more-children\/","title":{"rendered":"When You Can&#8217;t Handle (Any More) Children"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>I&#8217;ve been using Mondays to get caught up answering the messages in my inbox. This week&#8217;s question was prompted by our new music video, Do You Wanna Have a Baby? What if the answer is no, because you&#8217;re afraid you can&#8217;t handle more children &#8212; or any?<\/em><\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.flandersfamily.info\/web\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/QandA.png?resize=1024%2C367&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Monday Mailbag - When You Can't Handle More Children\" width=\"1024\" height=\"367\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-18993\" \/><\/p>\n<h2>Question: What if I can&#8217;t handle having any (more) children?<\/h2>\n<p>Hi, Jennifer.<\/p>\n<p>I wanted to ask you a question, I have been thinking about it for a while. <strong>I always wanted to have a large family, but now I think it will not be possible.<\/strong> I recently suffered from a major burn-out and have really seen that I am not as strong as I thought I was.<\/p>\n<p>When I listen to your song &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/lovinglifeathome.com\/2014\/03\/22\/do-you-wanna-have-a-baby\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Do You Wanna Have a Baby?<\/a>&#8221; (I LOVE that song), I feel guilty for not wanting many children anymore.  <\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"900\" height=\"506.25\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/SZBw869ErM0\" title=\"YouTube video player\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>But I know we have to be very careful. <strong>We can&#8217;t enjoy sex without me worrying about a pregnancy<\/strong>, and we do need to use birth control until I am fully recovered.<\/p>\n<p>It is hard, because I know all the great aspects of <a href=\"http:\/\/lovinglifeathome.com\/2014\/02\/13\/15-unexpected-benefits-of-big-family-living\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">growing up in a large family<\/a>. I know the <a href=\"http:\/\/lovinglifeathome.com\/2015\/05\/09\/postponing-motherhood-at-what-cost\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">bad effects of birth control<\/a>. And <strong>I know how wonderful it must be to receive many children. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But we also have our responsibility for my health. <strong>What do you think about this?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Unsure<\/p>\n<h2>Answer: A few considerations to take into account when making this decision<\/h2>\n<p>Dear Unsure,<\/p>\n<p>It doesn&#8217;t really matter what I think, but since you ask, I will tell you what I tell my own children: <strong>Having a large family made perfect sense in my particular situation<\/strong> &#8212; I\u2019ve always had smooth pregnancies, easy deliveries, healthy babies, a strong body, a stable marriage, an aversion to contraceptives, an intense desire for lots of children, and a loving, supportive husband with a good job that allows him to provide for all of us. <\/p>\n<p>If any of those factors had not been the case, we might well have chosen to do things differently.<\/p>\n<p>I understand that <strong>not every couple has been blessed with such ideal circumstances<\/strong>, and \u2014 depending on the extent or severity of the challenges they face &#8212; it may make better sense for them to limit family size by practicing some form of birth control. That is a decision that must be prayerfully made by each individual couple.<\/p>\n<p>If you do opt to use birth control because you can&#8217;t handle more children, I&#8217;d only suggest that you&#8230;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<h2>Choose a method that is not abortifacient  <\/h2>\n<p>Hormonal contraceptives work by thinning the lining of the uterus so that it cannot sustain a developing embryo. IUDs make the uterus similarly hostile. These methods don&#8217;t necessarily prevent fertilization from occurring; rather, they prevent implantation. Additionally, hormonal contraceptives can cause <a href=\"http:\/\/lovinglifeathome.com\/2015\/05\/09\/postponing-motherhood-at-what-cost\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">serious health problems<\/a> (for both mothers and children subsequently born to those mothers) you would do well to avoid.<\/p>\n<p>So if you&#8217;re going to use birth control, choose a method that is not potentially abortifacient. Some options are barrier methods (condoms, diaphragms, and the like) or Natural Family Planning (which calls for tracking your cycle an d abstaining during fertile times, though how &#8220;natural&#8221; it is to forgo sex during the time when most women&#8217;s libido is highest is debatable)<\/li>\n<li>\n<h2>Avoid doing anything permanent<\/h2>\n<p>Feelings vacillate.  <strong>Circumstances often change, and so may your attitude toward having [more] children.<\/strong> So hold off getting a vasectomy or tubal ligation, just in case. Those surgeries carry health risks, too, and even though they&#8217;re sometimes advertised as being &#8220;reversible,&#8221; those reversals are expensive and often don&#8217;t work. Instead, leave some room for God to change your mind on the matter.<\/li>\n<li>\n<h2>Make any decisions on family size BEFORE you get pregnant<\/h2>\n<p>I&#8217;m fine with a woman&#8217;s choosing not to have a baby before she gets pregnant. But once that little one is conceived? I pray she&#8217;d be able to see it for what it is &#8212; a blessing being knit together in his mother&#8217;s womb and one for whom God has a special purpose &#8212; and narrow her choices to two: Shall I keep this baby and raise him myself or place him up for adoption? <\/li>\n<li>\n<h2>Continue to nurture the physical aspect of your marriage <\/h2>\n<p>Finally, I would warn you not to let your fear of getting pregnant cause you to push your husband away sexually. <a href=\"http:\/\/lovinglifeathome.com\/2012\/09\/21\/7-reasons-to-prioritize-sex-in-marriage\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">He still needs your closeness, and you his<\/a>, so <strong>don&#8217;t neglect the physical part of your relationship just because you\u2019ve chosen to limit your family size<\/strong>. \ud83d\ude42<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/3a4NFmc\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.flandersfamily.info\/web\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/07\/Ad-Love-Husband-Love-Self-Banner.png?resize=1024%2C724&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Love Your Husband, Love Yourself\" width=\"1024\" height=\"724\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-30758\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been using Mondays to get caught up answering the messages in my inbox. This week&#8217;s question was prompted by our new music video, Do You Wanna Have a Baby?&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9617,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[10,16],"tags":[10252,34],"class_list":["post-15465","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mailbag","category-parenting","tag-family-planning","tag-pregnancy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.4 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>When You Can&#039;t Handle (Any More) Children - Flanders Family Home Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Think you can&#039;t handle more children -- or any at all? 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